Pretty fucking close. Even my boyfriend said “You better like and reblog that.”
Riding the bus home from work. Thinking about old Sam. The Sam that kept a fortress up to keep her heart safe. I realized she doesn’t exist anymore and she didn’t the minute that goofy, bearded, silly man sat on her after knowing her for 2 hours.
Before Matt, I’d had my heart ripped apart more times than I can count (Most of which by one individual.) I’d always kept a wall up since then. Not finding anyone deserving enough to let in.
When we started dating I wasn’t sure what I was doing. I knew I liked him a lot but I was afraid that my feelings were progressing too quickly and wouldn’t be reciprocated. We spent a lot of time together, so I knew what I felt for him but I waited for some sign that would make it alright to confess the depth of my emotions. I remember we were just laying on his bed talking and he said to me “I know this is kind of soon but I just want you to know that I’m in love with you.” The joy of finding someone on the exact same page as me was amazing. We were maybe about a month and a half into our relationship so of course people judged us. I questioned myself constantly trying to figure out if what I felt was real. Every time I possibly doubted that things between us were perfect, he would do something that cemented and reassured me. I’m done with guarding and I don’t believe my heart has ever been open wider.
I’ve heard before that love is bearing yourself completely knowing that at any moment you could have your heart shattered and trusting that you won’t. Matt says I’m easy to please. I’ve never known a man that cared about me or for me like he does. It really is the little things he does that mean the most to me.
He’ll come up behind me and hold me while I’m doing chores around the house. He brings me coffee in the mornings before I’m completely awake. Some nights he’ll even gather my coat and bag for me so I can rush out the door to work because I’m late again because he distracted me with kisses.
I don’t really expect anyone to understand my relationship. It frustrates me when people don’t. Then I remind myself that what others think doesn’t matter. All that matters in our relationship is us. To Hell with anyone else.
And quite frankly I’m a tad over emotional this week due to all the wonders of that one fucking time of the month. So bite it.
I always seem to write things that hold deeper meaning here and haven’t written about the happenings in my life as of late. The people I know IRL give a damn but I’m not sure about the rest of you.
Matt’s work schedule has changed slightly as of late which makes it ridiculous trying to spend time with him during the week. He now gets off work at 4:30p and is home by 4:40. I have to thrown on my uniform at 5:30p and leave for work by 5:40. :/ I still work the 7p to 3a with Sunday and Monday off. So effectively I have 1 whole day of him to myself. Everyone seems to have grasped the idea that Sunday are his and mine. So thus I make any social plans for Mondays.
The 21st through the 24th I’ll be in Florida. Visiting my friend Amber and Fox. They’ve been long time good friends, haven’t seen Amber in about 5 years and Fox just got back from being deployed to Afghanistan. Matt will be traveling with me.
Work has been frustrating. People get paid to way too much to do jobs they can’t handle. :/ But I’m holding out for a miracle and a better spot somewhere. I’m really honestly excited for my vacation. I can’t wait to sip margaritas and lay by the pool.
Matt hinted the other day that he’s saving up money for a ring. I responded with “Falalalalalala I can’t hear you!” I’d much rather it be a huge surprise. He just laughed. I’m ready when he is. I’m not going to badger him about it.
Oh and Guild Wars 2 came out. SQUEEEE! Been spending all my time on it. I actually screwed up my shoulder from playing it last night for so long. D; I’m playing a mesmer on the Ehmry Bay Server. In my old Guild from the first game, Reapers of the Old Gods. They’ve really improved the Mesmer class. I use to die all the damn time in the first game but it seems they’ve altered that a bit. I do a bit of damage and now I have better health than an elementalist. :D Ele are squishy as fuck now.
If you’re interested in playing with me or you need a guild to join hit me up. I’d be more than happy to play with you. :]
- Me: Just to be clear... I want to be cremated.
- Matt: LOL what? Thats a random topic.
- Me: Well I was just thinking about it and I want to be cremated.
- Matt: Alright. Then what do I do with you?
- Me: I dunno. Scatter me? I don't want to be left in a box really.
- Matt: But I'll want to keep you close to me. So...
- Me: ?
- Matt: How about I make a terrarium out of you?
- Me: Oh Jesus. Really?
- Matt: Yeah! Then I can keep you close and you can still feed the plants. :3
- Me: -___-;;
I remember the first time I heard your voice. I stopped, mesmerized. I hung on every word. Memorized your stories, teased you just to hear your laugh.
And now that we belong to each other, you sing to me occasionally. Your deep velvet Bass, echoes through me, a warming comfort to my heart. Someday I’d like to hear it singing lullabies to our children.
I am delighted by your deep chuckle, even when it’s the result of you mocking me. My heart has never felt so light, nor have I ever laughed so much. I feel accomplished even if I can obtain the smallest snicker or snort from you.
When you whisper to me when we are alone, I listen as if I’ll never hear you speak again. Your words make me believe that I will be the only one forever and ever. Because you are my soul mate, I know this to be true.
A year ago today my boyfriend in his infinite drunken wisdom was struck by a car while running through the streets of SLO. He awoke in Sierra Vista ER with staples in his head and a broken ring finger on his left hand. Twelve days later I took him on our first excursion to have the staples removed. And on the 23rd of July he finally kissed me. He is my soul mate and the love of my life. <3 #love, #scars, #relationships, #love story (Taken with Instagram)
The first morning I’ve had to myself in awhile. Always too busy with running errands and keeping the house tidy. So today I’ve resolved to just relax and do a little laundry.
Last night I tried to surprise Matt with dinner, but the spaghetti sauce needed a little help, so he had to rescue me. It was fine though. I was sauteing the squash and zucchini in butter when he sauntered in with his phone holder and charger, plugged his phone in and put on some country love songs. He knows I love to sing to them. So we sang and cooked dinner together. I almost want to cry with how happy I am now. Such simplicity and partnership. There’s a song by Eastin Corbin called “Lovin You is Fun.” Couldn’t be anymore exact. There’s no drama, no selfishness, and we work so well together. If he sees me trying to do something he’ll find a way to sneak around me and pitch in some how. I rarely have to ask him to do anything. Not that I’m demanding in any way, It’s just nice that he sees things that need to be done and does them.
I love the little moments in our weekend where we snuggle and talk about the future. Last night as we ate and discussed his union meeting, I brought up that I had gone around to a few of my friends and out of curiosity asked when the best time of year to visit Hawaii was. A few of them got all excited, even though we wouldn’t be able to go til probably next year. Matt kinda smiled and poked his squash with his fork, saying he had a similar conversation with a friend recently. His friend had been urging him to take vacation and go. Matt replied while carefully watching my face as he told his story. “Well I’m saving money so that I can marry my girl, but maybe we’ll go for our honeymoon.” Obviously my face erupted in grins.
We jokingly talked about 99 cent store rings and running off to get married. Keeping it a secret til we could actually afford to do it for real. Then talked seriously about how that would never work and how people would definitely be upset. We love our families and want them to be apart of everything in our lives. I highlighted “jokingly” so that any of our families that do read that don’t have a misunderstanding. I’m in no hurry. Yes I want to marry him. But I can be patient. I’m not going anywhere and neither is he.
For the people who question how I can love with everything I am in a short amount of time. I’ve been with Matthew for almost a year and I get criticism from others occasionally. Saying things like “How can you love someone so much when you haven’t been with them that long?” I’m an all or nothing kind of girl. I love completely and totally. Not always off the bat but in a few months time he had my heart totally and utterly. I want no one else for the rest of my life.
- * Chillin in the computer room. Matt is playing Diablo 3 and I'm trying to update my iPod. Which my iPod is a 3rd generation and kinda old so he teases me about the fact that his is shiny and new.*
- Me: OMG Piece of crap download faster.
- Matt: *clickclickclick*
- Me: I need to get this damn thing a walker.
- Matt: ?
- Me: Because it's old.
- Matt: Oh
- Me: We should make this room into an Apple museum for all the old products you still own. *snicker*
- Matt: *Stare* Haha. Very funny.
- Me: You have all the iPods though. :3
- Matt: Actually I'm missing two.
- Me: You could mount them on the wall in that cute plexi glass box I gave you.
- Matt: ...
- Me: Our own little Apple museum. :D
- Mat: ... You're ridiculous.
So after living in our own place for about two weeks now these are the things I have learned.
- When I drop the ball, I no longer stress because Matt has already caught it.
- When Matt drops the ball, I’ve got it handled before he can say “Hey baby could you…?”
- I get all twitterpated over the dumbest things. Like today he refilled the sugar bowl for me. I’m the only one that drinks my coffee with sugar. :3
- Potato bugs don’t survive long in air tight jars. :/
- We need internet for our entertainment more than we realized.
- Matt is pretty great at folding linen napkins.
- Even when I designate a place for him to put his only once worn jeans, he’s still very stubborn about using it.
- We are a remarkable pair in the kitchen. :3
- The cats and I take over the bed so they’ve been banned from our room.
- *Digging through each others movies*
- Me: Why do you have Polar Express?
- Matt: Because once upon a time I sat to pee.
- Me: Excuse me?
- Matt: I was bitch whipped.
- Me: Oh. That explains the ridiculous amount of Disney and Rudolph claymation movies.
- Matt: Yeah...
- Me: So when we are married, am I suppose to wear a foofy night gown to bed every night or what?
- Matt: Pfft. Naked is better.
- Me: Well we can't do that after a certain point.
- Matt: Why?
- Me: Because it will probably be inappropriate with kids around.
- Matt: *Sarcastically* Well thats why they put locks on bedroom doors hun.
- Me: Yeah but what if one of them has a nightmare or they go through that phase where they wanna sleep with Mom and Dad till they're five?
- Matt: I'd tell them no.
- Me: Really?
- Matt: Yup!
- Me: So you mean to tell me that if we happen to have a daughter that looks like me with your big brown eyes and she wants to crawl in bed with Mom and Dad you are going to tell her no?
- Matt: *Sputtering noises followed by a big cheesy grin.*
- Me: I didn't think so you big push over. :3 *Giggling ensues*
I’m gonna smooch the hell out of you when you get home. <3