Musings Of An Average Mind

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28 Aug Self Esteem is in the crapper today. Not feeling attractive at all. Nightmares all night long = lack of sleep and stressing about upcoming financial endeavors. Oy Vey.

Self Esteem is in the crapper today. Not feeling attractive at all. Nightmares all night long = lack of sleep and stressing about upcoming financial endeavors. Oy Vey.

31 Mar Ladies listen up!  #moms, #daughters, #gift, #god, #property, #money, #teaching, #bethewomanyouwantyourdaughtertobe

Ladies listen up! #moms, #daughters, #gift, #god, #property, #money, #teaching, #bethewomanyouwantyourdaughtertobe

15 Mar

The Not so Merry Go Round

I really hate the vicious circle that is education vs career. Need to make more money to survive so you can finish school but in order to make more money you need a better education. :/ Frustrating. However my dissatisfaction with my job motivates me to go back to school more than any thing else at this point. I wanted to start making fitness a part of my life but it looks like my body will have to take a back seat until I work a bit on my mind. Maybe I’ll be able to squeak in a jog here and there though. That’d be my happy medium.

12 Sep


What I would give for a job that allowed me to be home with Matt every night and still paid decently. :/ Eff. Ever since his hours got smudged I only see him an hour before I leave for work.

25 Feb


Body isn’t quite adjusting to this sleeping schedule as fast as I thought. But they fixed my paycheck finally. 14.30$ an hour plus retro pay all the way to my first week back. Get paid again March 2nd. Gonna throw all kinds of monies into my house fund. The guys are cool to live with and all but its hard to sleep here during the day sometimes. I love coming home to Matthew though. Usually when I come in at 5a he’s all curled up and sound asleep. So I strip off my uniform and snuggle in next to him. He latches onto me and pulls me close even though my skin is freezing. He whispers love in my ear and we fall asleep. This is the first time that I’ve actually come home from a late shift and gone immediately to bed. I guess the difference is that there is the promise of a warm embrace if I do.

05 Feb

Work Tomorrow!

Yay for a normal paycheck! I’m thoroughly jazzed. I’ll be able to contribute to the saving up of monies for the apartment Matt and I are getting.  We were talking today about it and we’re excited.  He’s got about $700 saved up already and I told him I can give him maybe $300 out of my paycheck depending on how much I end up with. I’m looking forward to being able to cook a little and have our friends over more. We co exist well together as it is. Some people think it’s too soon but I’ve never been more sure of anyone in my whole life. He is all I want, forever and ever. We’ll take care of each other, have kids and grow old together. Thats all either of us want.  <3

27 Jan

Chillin here while Gram dyes my hair. Start work sometime next week. Get fitted for my uniform on Monday. Matt put in our applications for some other jobs on base today. I hope he gets the one he wants. I’d rather he get it over me since its the position he wants so badly. But at the same time, I hope I find something else so I don’t have to do graveyards any longer.

10 Jan

So when I finally get out of bed today I am off on a mission. I am destroying an artifact of a learning experience and an old memory so that I can lay down a foundation for a new future. I am going out and selling my old engagement rings that were previously given to me by my ex. I held on to them because I didn’t know what to do with them and hell, I paid for half of them. And looking at them still kills me. A lance through the heart every time I open that little box. It serves as a reminder of all the fights, unhappiness, and struggling we went through. And the point where I let go. He’s been running around saying he broke up with me, that’s fine. I don’t care. I’m the happiest I’ve been in years. I won’t sit back and recall the four hours of him trying to make me change my mind. That’s alright. I miss his friendship but somethings aren’t meant to be.

And I’m not bitter about this surprisingly. I’m thinking of it as a stepping stone. I’m doing this so that I can have money toward my new apartment. :]

02 Nov


 Read my horoscope this morning, it said that this month would be better than last month. Which Last month was fine. No immediate emotional trauma to deal with or anything like that. Lots of fun and friends. So when I got a call today confirming an interview for a job at Target I was pretty thrilled. I’ve been unemployed for about a month now and I hate it.

  I’m extremely hopeful because now I can put plans into motion.

  • Start paying Dad rent again.
  • Take that motorcycle training class.
  • Get a futon for my room.
  • Take Matt out to dinner for a change.  :]
  • Buy new bras and jeans.
  • And save up for Christmas. Gotta get Nichole that taser.  :3

 I’m hopeful that they keep me through the holiday season and that I can adapt quickly to the environment.

  Best part about working at Target though. Jess and Bri both work there now as well. Look out Target you’re gonna have a hell of a business with three Von Bargens on your hands.